I have just returned from a trip up to Brighton to stay with my friend who is at Sussex uni. Once I got to Brighton we both took the train from there up to London to go to the barbican to see Kings of Convenience. They, and there support 'Tiger Tiger' were very good. But that was the sadly one of the last things on my mind, because as I am claustrophobic, the London Underground was a great struggle for me. It is a very strange feeling being a logical thinking person but also having Claustrophobia. It goes against everything in my philosophy. But it also has helped me to understand the irrational behaviour of certain individuals in a compleatly rational situation. It's not always about logic or reason. Sometimes feelings overcome all understanding and ruin everything you thought you knew. I am still young and don't know much, but I know I hate the London Underground. And probably always will.
On the train journey up and down from Brighton I did a vew sketches to pass the time.
Here are two of them.
I am soon to be uploading a new live video to youtube. So keep an eye out.
All the best,
William/memotone
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these are really awesome drawings.
ReplyDeleteI very much don't like London. I do not suffer very much from claustrophobia, but in London it's always the same. The Underground is an amplified version of the city above. It's all so oppressive, so claustrophobic. I start to sweat, I panic and all I can think about is getting the hell out.
Human beings are just a pool of chemicals. The way we react to the world around us is irrational because it depends upon what we have or haven’t eaten in a day, it depends on the way that our parents behaved around us when we were very small, it depends on so many things.
I believe that those who suffer a lot from ‘irrational’ thought-processes have been programmed to have these thought processes by their parents. There was a father who was picking his son up from a lesson at my boyfriend’s mum’s house. The son accidentally spilt some drink in the car. The father exploded with rage at the child. He told his son that he was stupid, worthless and that he could walk home. If this man had been shouting these things with the same venom towards another adult, that other adult would have considered the relationship over. Friendship would have been totally severed and this day would be bitterly remembered by each party for years to come. This day will be remembered for years to come, at least in the mind of that child. That child is likely to forever assume himself stupid and worthless. His own father told him such, and has probably told him the same things before. I know that my own mother frequently called my youngest brother stupid, and now he is socially awkward, and very reclusive. He believes that he has no talent, that he is naturally stupid and any success he has is accidental. It doesn’t matter how many times people tell him otherwise, he is programmed to have these irrational thoughts because he was told these things when his mind was very young and impressionable. All my siblings, including myself, have the same lack of confidence and believe ourselves to be untalented. I was too young to see the cause until my youngest brother was born. I can only assume the rest of us received the same negative programming and this is the root of our collective illogical self-deprecation. Parents do not seem to realise that these things they say are not throw-away statements. They won’t be selectively forgotten. So many parents verbally abuse their children when they visit the book shop I work in. It makes me squirm, especially the parents who throw derision at their children for wanting to buy a book.
As for the occasional illogical thought processes, this is most likely to do with imbalanced chemicals. What you did or didn’t eat. And who can really say what is logical anyway? It’s perception and everyone will perceive things differently. As long as you stay true to your own perception and don’t let other people force theirs onto you, it’s all good.
I don't think it is irrational to feel claustrophobic and hemmed in when in London, especially the Underground. I think it merely means your normal surroundings are natrual and healthy. London is neither natrual, nor healthy. Therefore the logical response to being in someplace that is neither natrual nor healthy is to feel like you want to get out of it.
Thankyou, I am glad you like the drawings. And thankyou also to the reply to my post.
ReplyDeleteThankfully I have incredible parents and I can not thank them enough for bringing me up to be the open minded, confidant and self loving (in a healthy, non arrogant way) person I am. The only thing I can think of that would be a possible cause for my claustrophobia is the fact that I got stuck on my way out during birth. I feel that is a fairly reasonably explanation and stick to it as my answer.
If only it was as simple as some imbalanced chemicals. But I do agree with you, I think it is probably a sign that I am more connected with my ancestral roots than people who live in london. I need to feel connected to my environment to feel comfortable. Be able to live off of it if need be. Be able to touch it and roam in it. I am more natural and need nature to feel at home. Atleast that is one way of making me feel more comfortable when in a situation such as the London underground. To convince myself that I am more in touch with the world becuase of the feelings I am having leaving me in a superior light to the uneffected around me. But really I am just fighting a battle with my own mind, surrounded by people who are so busy they can't even see me.
Yes, getting stuck on your way out during birth is probably a fairly likely cause for your claustrophobia!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you about needing to feel connected to your environment. I feel the exact same way. It's like that Levellers song Sell Out: Do I belong to some ancient race,
I like to walk in ancient places,
These are the things that I can understand.
(and thanks for your comment on my blog. I did not do that illustration, no. It was given to us by the workshop leader to spark ideas off for our writing exercises. It is a very nice drawing. I will probably post a few of my own illustrations up on my blog in the coming days, however.)